YESTERDAY
The day before, a tempest from which I was always almost free. Every breath, every thought that rustles in the silence of my mind keeps traces. Sometimes I wonder what might have changed if those wounds hadn´t cut so deep, if time had not scorched a hundred scars into my soul
.
I wonder about the person I would be, an alternate me unscathed by yesterday's ghosts. I would be a light stepper, travelling from my garden to the communal areas where I grow frenzied and ironic with others of my kind. I am just a child, leaping and spinning an laughing in the warm arms of the sun, not with fear as I shadow but diving into uncharted lakes. Head first, unaware or the happenings on things unseen.
The roads I would walk also meant different, I guess. There would be so many winding, mysterious pathways — taking me to places I have not yet dared go. My heart will be wide open to all the steps and I shall stray far away from known paths. I would collect dreams as if they were blossoms, cupping them in my hands; colours bold against the greys of before.
Even now, in my cloud of what-if this or that as I sit here and daydream about the possibilities, there lies some sort of yesterday tied together attached to heart. It is weighty — there the wars I waged and their aftershocks written all over for people to see. It drags me from those fantasized roads, those sunlit dances, and plants my feet in the now.
Yesterday was hard, but it is me; carved in my soul. And as much of a drag that is, I wonder if it's also what helps me stay on the ground.
I wonder where I would be,
If yesterday's wounds didn't linger,
If time hadn't imprinted
its scars on my spirit.
Would I dance in the sunlight, unfettered,
or dive into the depths
of new beginnings, unafraid?
What roads would I wander,
What dreams would I gather,
If the weight of yesterday
didn't anchor my heart?
✓mahv